“Can I even have a wedding day with POTS?”
Absolutely!
This is a question I get pretty regularly. So of course I had to be extra and get back in my wedding dress and take some pics. Absolutely had too (lol jkjk).
First, you have to be in the right mindset.
For most of us, POTS (or insert your chronic illness here) came on suddenly. There is a life before our illness that we think back on often. We had a specific view of how our life would go and then we got sick. Suddenly, everything sucks. Everything is hard. Not just any ol’ human can hang with us. Finding someone who doesn’t just put up with your illness but actively commit to your health journey, is worthy of a true celebration. As exciting as that feeling is, the doubts start coming in. How do I even begin to negotiate everyday life? Let alone a day, a very high stress day. My wedding day. A day that even healthy people can struggle during?
The first thing we have to do is realize our wedding day may look different than how we used to imagine it. It is supposed to be our dream day after all. Not exactly fun to factor in a disability.
I wear contacts/glasses. I go to my optometrist every single year to make sure that my prescription is up to date and working for me. There’s no shame associated with it. It’s very quick. Very wham bam thank you ma’am. The doctor asks, “does one look clearer? or two? One? Or two?” I stress out that I may respond incorrectly despite the fact that there is no right answer. I literally just need to tell her when the lens works best for me. Having the correct vision is crucial to my everyday life so I want to make sure that I’m completely transparent on which lens works best for me. For…clarity, if you will.
Imagine if a friend came to you and told you they lied to their eye doctor because they were embarrassed about the severity of their vision. They wanted to fake better vision for their ego. No one else benefits from this by the way. There isn’t a trophy or a prize for using the wrong prescription. But there they are thinking they’ve won but really they lost. Think of the negative consequences: eye strain, headaches, potential accidents ,etc. You’d probably laugh a little at how absurd that is but then you would likely encourage them to go back to their doctor and get the appropriate prescription.
When you become chronically ill, you need to reevaluate the lens in which you’re viewing your life through. Routinely at that. Your pre illness way of thinking isn’t going to serve you well. We have to constantly take inventory and audit old thinking. Prior to getting sick, I wouldn’t view standing at an altar during a wedding as risky. Why would I? I never had an issue standing up before. However, looking at my wedding day with a new lens, one which accounts for my medical conditions, all of a sudden I had to view standing at the altar differently.
It is 100% ok to acknowledge and mourn our old lenses. Our old prescription for life. Sometimes I have to ask myself, “Is the vision I’m imagining through my old health lenses or my new ones?” Because if it’s through ol’ healthy-Mariah-lenses? Having an emergency chair hidden behind a wall behind the pastor and having a hand signal so if I needed my sister to grab it we could do so seamlessly, is going to seem like a devastating reality. However, viewing that circumstance through the lens of “this is the reality of my health and this is the best option for me” it seems much simpler to realize an emergency chair behind the wall could be empowering instead. Knowing we had the chair and a plan helped put me in a more relaxed state because we planned for my nightmare; passing out in front of a huge audience. Sitting in front of people>passing out in front of people.
Here’s what’s so great though, I almost needed the chair but we never pulled it out. No one even knew it was back there, aside from family and our wedding party. It wasn’t even a big deal at all.
My cousin who got married at her sickest with POTS? Both she and her husband simply sat together on a bench for most of their ceremony. No one was upset. No one thought it was weird. It was THEIR wedding day. Whatever THEY needed to have the best day is what needs to be done.
My MIL and the wedding planner we used were well versed in all the minutiae of a wedding day so we were able to view and plan the day around potential health needs. It was incredibly reassuring to have everyone on the same page. Looking back it seemed very manageable.
Part 2 of this post will be much more to the point (literal bullet points) the little backup plans throughout the day that allowed us to enjoy our day even if my health fluctuated. I just know it was helpful for me to have access to this mindset because it can be really easy to get overwhelmed and feel discouraged while planning because the deeper you dive into your planning, you’ll realize that there are traditional aspects of the day that may not work for you. That’s a tough pill to swallow. You may need to take it daily. Regardless, it is your special day. You deserve the most wonderful day. Give yourself grace. Don’t be so absolute in your plans that you self sabotage the whole day over something that could be addressed/avoided by simply giving yourself grace and adapting.
Part Two:Getting Married with POTS Part:2/2
Photographer: https://www.aisling.design/
potsiemouth 