Tag: tremors

The Fallout

That’s the reality of POTS. There are aspects of this that you can’t make pretty. You can’t dress up a breakdown. You can’t laugh off an attack like that.

The reality of HyperPOTS

At a glance, this illness seems like a college girl’s dream. Always in leggings (compression), watching lots of  Netflix, eating bad salty food, and not working (because you literally can’t handle any form of stress) Toward the end of this post is the reality. I try hard to be upbeat and positive because it helps me get through it, but days like yesterday, those are the days that you can’t ignore.

Yesterday was a bad day. Yesterday was the much-anticipated fallout of all my positivity and energy I spent getting through this week. I knew I was overdue. It’s the most I’ve walked and talked since Christmas time. I woke up at 6 and I knew. I could feel it all like a snake poised to strike. I went to the continental breakfast not caring about fluffing my hair, putting in glasses/contacts, no makeup just schlepped my way with my mom. One half-eaten waffle later we went back to the room. In the darkest room we were able to make with large pillows and a tall chair blacking out the window I laid quietly. The left side of my chest hurt. I laid there clutching it quietly. My blood pressure cuff automatically went off every ten minutes and it created a throbbing pain and with the prolonged and constant measurements, it began inducing palpitations. My skin was raw and red where the four electrodes clung to me. I could already tell the lower two on my ribs would bleed when I removed them.

My mood was bad. It’s rare for me. Sad every once in a while but never really bad. I was grumpy. I hate being grumpy. I hate trying to not be grumpy but anything I said sounded grumpy and short. So I kept quiet under the extra blankets we ordered for my freezing body. I was relatively nonverbal yesterday. This happens on bad days. Talking seems impossible on these days. That’s how everyone knows I’m sick. When I can’t talk.

My friend was supposed to come down and I thought it’d lift my spirits so I looked forward to it. I took a warm bath to calm my constant shivers. 6 minutes later I was out and my legs were angry red with pooled blood and I was so swollen I couldn’t bend my ankles. I was even worse now. I was exhausted. We had to cancel our plans and the harsh reality of my current limitations were once again, in my face.

Toward the end of the night, I felt a little better. By my Apple watch’s count, I’d taken 38 steps since breakfast. After laughing at some videos with my mom I turned over with my headphones in. When getting settled under the blankets, the button volume on my watch must have been moved because the sound went all the way up during Bazzi’s 3:15. This may not be a big deal to most. A minor inconvenience to some. To me it was catastrophic. I yanked out my headphones. Due to my HyperPOTS with high norepinephrine levels, my body freaked out. I began to full on sob. Uncontrollably sob. I couldn’t stop. It was just sound. But I couldn’t handle it. My mom came to my bedside confused and trying to figure out what happened. My pulse jumped by almost 40 beats per minute. My blood pressure dropped and my body temperature went up. Her touch began to panic me and caused my temperature to spike even more. I pushed her away and threw off the covers only to desperately grab them again seconds later to calm the shivering and tremors. I kept sobbing. And sobbing. And sobbing. Trying to breathe deep and acknowledge that all that happened was just a loud noise. I was safe. It didn’t matter. You can’t outthink chemical reactions in your body when it’s like that.

These are the moments that are hard. Because by no means should a song playing a little loudly trigger a five-alarm fire response, but it did. And it will continue to, for the foreseeable future.  I did find a way to disable the music controls but holy buckets.

I’ve been so spoiled being able to medicate in Portland with potent CBD so I haven’t had one of these episodes in months.

Sometimes I need these moments. I need to feel what I’m going through this deeply so I remember to give myself grace. I need to acknowledge where I am. Despite countless motivational quotes, there are certain things you can’t do. (Not right now anyway.) I spent a whole day catering to my needs and nursing myself to a somewhat stable condition only to break down over a volume increase.

That’s the reality of POTS. There are aspects of this that you can’t make pretty. You can’t dress up a breakdown. You can’t laugh off an attack like that.  It truly turns your life upside down.

 

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Photo Cred: Janie Barber. circa 2016.

 

Iron Woman

No matter what I am doing at the time, I need to freeze. It’s like playing a game of medical freeze tag all by myself.

Today was a day I needed. We sat across from Dr. Elizabeth Coon and went over all my results. My sweat test, the prickly one they did before my tilt table test, showed a low amount of sweat on my foot which means *drum roll, please* I have Neuropathic POTS.  She believes the series of back to back colds I had for 3 months this fall caused the Neuropathic POTS (NP). NP symptoms come on quickly. Which is why I could run a 5: 48-minute mile in October and by January I couldn’t (still can’t) stand for more than a couple minutes. So NP is partial sympathetic denervation, especially in the legs.  Basically, a dysfunction of one or more peripheral nerves. Just weird, nerd stuff. But….my hands tremor. As in, if Kevin Bacon were around he’d be all,

 

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The cult classic, Tremors

 

My blood pressure rises whenever it so chooses and I can feel my adrenaline coursing through my body. So Dr. Coon said I have crossover symptoms so I technically have both Neuropathic and Hyperadrenergic (pronounced: hyper-adjre-ner-jic) POTS. She thinks that my low ferritin (mine is 8, anything under 50 is low) caused my HyperPOTS.  

None of this matters cause here is the cool part, my buddy Dr. Elizabeth Coon said that if I adhere to everything and aggressively get after it, in a year or a year and a half to two, I could live a somewhat normal life and then just maintain the cardio and diet! HOW GOOD IS GOD?! Like I could go to Disneyland and just make a day of it. I’ll need a recovery day or five but I’ll be able to handle it!32205824_10215292942824141_168459784264089600_n

So my current goal is to walk 10 minutes 2 times a day and then work up to 60 minutes somewhere way way way down the road. I also need 10-20 grams of salt a day. Is that a lot of salt, you ask? Well yes dear, the normal human should never exceed 1.5 grams apparently. I’m no mere human though, I’m a Potsie so I can eat as much salt as I want and it isn’t enough. She gave me this amazing list and Kimkim isn’t happy about it. As you can see, my doctor told me to drink hot cocoa, have cake, eat bread, and pancakes. So lots of Olive Garden and IHOP! Maybe this POTS stuff isn’t so bad!

She also prescribed me some additional iron pills to get my ferritin up. You’ll notice the title is “Iron Woman” this is ironic (lol can’t stop, won’t stop) because I don’t have much iron.  I get to take Propanolol, a beta-blocker, 10mg twice a day to start. This will help with my heart rate as well as the constant palpitations. We will start this after we get to Myrtle Beach in case something happens while traveling. Low blood pressure can be an issue with this medication and we don’t want to pass out in an airport. She also recommended Water Bolus Therapy. WBT is when you chug two 8-ounce glasses of water to higher blood pressure whenever feeling sick. This can higher blood pressure as much as 40 points.

We got my 24-hour Holter monitor as well as my 24-hour blood pressure cuff. I’ve got more wires than Iron Man.  The blood pressure cuff goes off every ten minutes. No matter what I am doing at the time, I need to freeze. It’s like playing a game of medical freeze tag all by myself. Yes, on our way out I had to stop in the middle of the hallway and tell the woman behind me to pass on my right because I had to stand still. Such is life. I also always forget that I am allergic to the four little electrode pads for the Holter monitor, so they itch like crazy…

We went to this sick-nasty green granola place and I’d like to blame my nausea on the food. I was ok before we went in there… Anywho. I wanted to be a dork and document some of the excessive wiring. So I put on an off the shoulder top and posed through the nausea so we could pretend that POTS is cute. I know some of you are thinking, “Really? Of course, Mariah has a top like that when going to Mayo” You bet your bottom dollar that yes, yes I did bring a top like that.  I did like walking through the clinic with my little blood pressure satchel because I felt visible. That is something really hard about POTS. If I’m sitting down or walking for 8 minutes or less, I don’t look sick. But my sexy satchel? Everyone who saw me knew I meant business.32293394_10215292878222526_525809691880587264_n (1)

So thank you so so much for all your prayers! Basically, I’ll take a year or so, reconditioning my system and hopefully, I will be able to get back to working like a normal 24-year-old!